The Muddled Mind

I don't regret past anymore. If anything else, it made me more aware and humble. I start having another kind of self respect for myself so have to go through all of that, all good and the bad and manage to get through that. It did leave some stinky leftovers but I know now I am capable of cleaning that shit too very efficiently. Although it will take time but it will happen. Taking good memories with me and leaving bad ones behind seems like a difficult but wise way. Bad memories are like leaches which will stuck your blood and will remain there until you do something about it agressively while we tend to forget good ones behind. So what I started doing is to be grateful for all the good things in my life first thing in the morning so that I remember those times and get inspired daily. Not my original idea but read it somewhere and it made sense so trying to follow it with while heart because again you guys do what you gotta do right? 😉

The most sick people I ever met or meet is the people who thinks they can lie and get away with it. I am a positive optimistic person, if I like someone, I would really like to believe in everything they say because that's how you build a trust right ? But damn when that someone breaks it, it loses all of my attention and respect. What I can't understand is that how can people be so naive. I mean do they really think in this age of digital media and all, you can actually get away so easy ? How stupid you think people are. Once people you trust lose your trust what they don't get it that this will impact you in long run. You will have trust issues for your entire life and also with the people who deserve your trust too. You are being unreasonably paranoid and you can't help it also. Not only you lose trust on people but also on yourself because you made the bad decision to trust people. Oh so deep! People who lies doesn't even care about how much they are hurting p

After so many shady relationships with people, is it wrong to be little skeptical? I mean is it not prescribed to take precautions than a cure? Everything what is happening to me or happened to me, the least thing I want to do is to go through that process again where I have to move on from someone or trust someone. I am so so scared to break someone's heart. I know how it felt and it is not good. I don't want to be part of that process. But how will I let loose of this feeling because I am still hurting people by getting emotionally detached from them or showing them my commitment issues. It's not easy to be get closer to person but by not doing that also, you miss out on lot of people and feelings. Ughhh , I wish I had the answer . I hate that I absolutely am clueless in life. Wish someone can understand and embrace this insanity of mine or I will end up looking forward to something which is never going to happen for me. I guess procastination is really taking a toll me.

Moving out from your home town, staying away from the comfortable zone, not playing out by the rules of the society we live in, making a change in your life , leaving your people whether your family and childhood friends and trying out something new have always been so risky. It has so many ups and downs that it finally can end up with you having existential crisis. Am I doing right things? Am I making right decisions? Am I trusting my gut right and doing what I want to do or its just the influence of the society and the peer pressure to been able to experience it all makes me do all of that. Having a great job with good paycheck at 25, having a settled lifestyle, having constant friends , meet the love of your life at 23, get married at 25, have kids at 27, travel to atleast 4 exotic foreign places till 30, buy home and mostly be satisfied and happy, how people do this all? I am trying to solve this mystery since very long now and I am not able to crack it. I am still 24 and unsatisfi

So many things to learn. So many things to do. So many people to meet. Found a distraction babe. So worth it. Talking to someone I would never meet, talking to him about love, life and stuff and made me feel like what a stupid person I am to hang around for you since so long. You are nothing comparable to what he is. Not kidding. Felt so exotic and desirable. The feeling I never got when I was so involved with you. I figured out I am more interesting person now than I was when I was with you. More calm, more confident, better than the lot. I am free, I take risks, I travel, I write, I have great sense in music, I take good pictures, I have great opinions about life and people. I always knew that but gradually being with you, I totally lost myself. I lost what I had and what I am good at. I was the reward you got but you never took care enough. I never got so comfortable with my skin like I am right now. I can travel anywhere I want to. Solo trip to all exotic places. I can dance my he